Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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