Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fuck appropriateness.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
