Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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