we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
