How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
