My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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