Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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