I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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