We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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