just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
