puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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