i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
