apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
