your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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