I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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