I understand Curling. That high.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
