Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
