The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
