apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
