About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
