I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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