How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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