you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
