my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
