Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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