He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
