Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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