Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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