I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
