Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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