i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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