1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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