Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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