This house was built for laser tag.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
