apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
