So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
