I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
