you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
