at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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