apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize