as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
