p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
