Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
