He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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