i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
