Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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