I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
