Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
