she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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