I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize