are you still at the devil's house?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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