i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
