Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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