Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
