I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
