There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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