just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
