i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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