What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
