I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
