He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
