just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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