im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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