I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
