can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
