I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
