I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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