What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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