So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
