i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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